Experiments in Nursing

Before we had kids, the most I paid attention to breast feeding was people discussing whether its appropriate to breast feed in public or not. I never knew much else. What no one tells you is that its really, REALLY hard work.

My first son didn’t want to nurse. He had no interest, and by four months, he would no longer even attempt to latch. For three more months, I pumped, so he would get milk for as long as possible, and by seven months “the well was dry”… if this topic bothers you, move along, its important for me and its really worth discussing.

With my second son, the one currently getting both breast milk and formula, he latched, but its still been a journey. The nutritionist gave me a plan to get him to only have breast milk, but at the end of the day, I only produce what I produce. I feel no shame WHATSOEVER for adding formula in. I feel guilty occasionally, but I try not to feel shame in anything where I try my best, even if the results aren’t my favorite.

The number one thing I hear women saying when breastfeeding is that it just isn’t feasible, or its stressful to try and keep up, or from women like myself who just don’t produce enough, is that they feel guilty. I swear this is a new thing. My mother breastfed all of us, but I didn’t find out until I was in my 30’s that I was only breastfed for a month. One of my brothers was breastfed the longest for a whopping three months. At the end of the day, maybe we’d be smarter or even healthier today, but truth be told, we weren’t in any way sickly kids. She didn’t feel guilt, and there was no reason why she should. My mother was a single mother of four and recent divorce to our father when I came on the scene, and I couldn’t be more grateful that she found the time to nurse, even for a month. She worked full time. She had three other kids ages two to eleven when I was born, and I still was nursed.

I hope my kids are grateful I tried, though they’re boys, so I doubt it will ever come up in conversation, but while I occasionally feel like I wont have nursed them long enough and ALWAYS feel guilty about not being good enough at whatever else, I know there’s no reason to feel guilty. Its hard work to get up in the night and pump if your baby sleeps through, and its hard to get up and nurse three or four times if your baby isn’t one to sleep through the night. Its hard to find a place to pump at work if you’re one of the millions of women that doesn’t work some place progressive enough to offer a location other than a bathroom. Its hard work to need to stay hydrated, to watch what you eat and to continue curbing caffeine long after you’ve given birth, even though you’re sleep-deprived and need it more than ever.

If you can breast feed exclusively or partially, or not even a little… it doesn’t mean anything at the end of the day. We try our best, and sometimes, for our sanity, trying our best in those moments is all we can do. No shame.

I do recommend… to make things easier… finding a good pump, getting a car adapter if you drive (I had two hours of traffic each day with my first son, and made a lot of milk in the car)… if its not too distracting for you… I attached mine before I took off driving and adjusted at red lights only. Have extra supplies in the car in case you forget to take any pieces with you. Stay hydrated. Eat enough to nutritionally keep you and your baby nourished. Don’t stress if you’re not where you want to be. Ask for help if you need it!.

Best of luck, nursing is wonderful, but its really hard work.