To Yell or Not to Yell….

Survey says….Not to yell…. I get off on some tangents here, so bare with me

I was never spanked much as a child. It was the eighties though, so it happened on two occasions that I remember clear as day. I remember it largely because I disagree with why I was spanked. Today I whole-heartedly disagree with spanking for any reason. I’ve read countless studies and they all get to the same conclusion… spanking can cause lasting emotional damage, can cause depression when those spanked children become adults, and teaches children to react instead of teaching them coping skills.

*Recent Study http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/25218-childhood-spankings-can-lead-to-adult-mental-health-problems

I was yelled at quite a bit as a child, and I never thought much of it. I remember feeling when it happened, like the people doing it wanted to hurt my feelings. I believe many of the walls I had to tear down as a child were put up in my psyche so I wouldn’t be affected by mean words. Add to that the fact that I was a super weird kid, and was tormented on the daily for it… I feel like a standard eighties upbringing was a process of hardening your kids to withstand a lot.

I DO feel like kids are more sensitive today than my generation was, and likewise I feel that every generation before mine was consecutively tougher to insults and poor treatment. Before you jump forward and think I’m making an argument FOR yelling at kids, I’m not. We’re at a crossroads, where are kids could potentially be the happiest generation yet. It would take 1. them not having their egos crushed AND 2. Teaching them not to be assholes to other people…. the latter is whats missing the most. People from every walk of life polarize their children… people have more opinions these days, because we have no much more access to information. Heck, my iPhone has me reading news every couple of hours.

We forward our beliefs onto our children. I think there’s something to be said for imparting your beliefs only your children, but they’re not weapons. If you send your six-year-old to school with a political t-shirt on and say they’re being discriminated against because they get sent home, you’re wrong. A six year old HAS NO POLITICAL BELIEFS that are independently come up with… Let your children be children. They won’t thank you as adults that you used them as pawns. They won’t thank you for making their teachers dislike them because you created polarity that didn’t need to be there….

So I took the long was round, but yelling… I was raising my voice… never trying to say mean things to my two-year-old, but raising my voice because I was raised to think thats how you get stuff to stick in someone’s mind… (truth be told for me, I couldn’t tell you WHY I was yelled at on a single occasion)… According to Healthline.com, yelling isn’t making our children listen any more, but it is causing lasting effects.

*Yelling https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/effects-of-yelling-at-kids

*Alternatives Phoenix children’s hospital has some great recommendation on schooling your kids without loud words and aggression. https://www.phoenixchildrens.org/health-information/library/wellness/37047/1%2C4586

I was yelling, and I feel like a monster, but I have since permanently erased it from my parenting toolbox.

I’m still very against participation trophies, but we can save that for another day.