The Life of a Solo Parent and 5 Tips to Staying Sane!

So, I’m not a single Mom, but I am a solo Mom. When Alex goes to work, he’s working, but he’s also free from his child-rearing responsibilities for a few hours. As a solo parent, which is easier than being a single parent who stays at home, I’m on lockdown and under the thumb of my kids and their needs ALL DAY LONG!

I’m a realist, I don’t think I ever believed any parenting could be done part time, but I also didn’t know what it would feel like to be where I am. I’d never worked without pay before. I’d always been able to use the bathroom with the door shut…. I’d always been able to take a shower, and without having a toddler screaming at me while I did so. I took these things for granted.

Even when working three jobs, 70-90 hours a week, I still owned my time. There could be a day off. That’s not the case when you’re flying solo with two small children.

I’m grateful for all that Alex does for us, but at some point I’m gonna either hire someone to come in once a week to tag me out or I’m going to get full time work and the kids will experience day care or Alex can take up where I’ve left off. 24/7/365 is a rougher schedule in practice than you could ever imagine if you don’t have it. I love being a Mom. I love my boys and my family, but its so hard.

I may seem like I’m complaining here, but I’m so grateful for what I have. When I think of spouses of our military members and how they’re alone for months, or even years without a weekend, my heart just breaks for them, they’re missing someone they love AND they don’t get a moment to quietly think or breathe or poo solo. Mad props to people that solo parent for extended periods of time.

I already spend a good amount of time losing my shit! Like full blown waterworks and yelling at Alex when he gets home and immediately complains about this or that. I’m getting better, slightly, at coping, and have made a lovely little list of things I’ve tweaked to help me lose my shit slightly less as time goes on.

1. I hide from my kids! I hide in plain sight, but I have found that if my three-year-old sees me with my phone, he’s gonna try and steal it. I have started doing his screen time in the afternoon instead of the AM. That way, I just have to survive the morning. I take my phone, go into the kitchen (I don’t do dishes, because he like to help with that), and I look up stupid shit for ten minutes at a time at LEAST three times a day. Yes, that’s 176 hours a year, wasted, or is it? My mental health has improved, so yeah… that’s my first item.
2. I try and sneak in a half hour of just laying down. I can’t nap, because if I oversleep, I could miss picking up or little dude, but I put the “short one” down for his nap and then I lay down, quietly, AFTER I pick up around our place, because it wouldn’t be peaceful otherwise, and I lay down and “chillax” I need the time, so I take it. I’ll accomplish what I can, but I’m not use to anyone if I’m burnt out… this is a tiny amount of “me time”, but the hour between the first thing and this has made a huge difference for my mental health. Alex still gets yelled at, but the kids are largely safe from my voice-raising at this point.
3. I go to bed early/ let myself fall asleep on the couch at least two days a week. I want to do so much, but when I have 3-4 hours of sleep, I’m a D the next day. I’m still a work in progress here, and I’d like to start getting to be by 9pm and waking up at 5am everyday at some point (I’ve never found it easy to sleep more that four or five hours at a time).
4. I exercise. I stopped for a while, but I’m getting back in with utilizing our beautiful treadmill, but I also sometimes just want laps in our place. I still haven’t located my MIA fitbit, but once I do, its game on! I’m definitely getting in over 10k steps a day, but its between 20k and 30k when I have a device to be accountable to. Exercise gets your blood flowing and for me, it makes my head feel clearer.
5. I stopped eating BS grains and sugar, and I feel SO MUCH MORE ENERGY. MY HEAD FEELS CLEARER, EVERYTHING IS BETTER! As a solo Mom, I didn’t allow myself time to prepare foods during the day, for myself. I would eat with the ten seconds I gave myself. I ate “healthy breads” but they couldn’t be THAT healthy, because I feel ten years younger now that I’ve cut them out. I do pre-prep some things I can eat for the week after the boys go to bed Sunday Evenings, but I’m not making anything too fancy. Just healthy, bread-free, sugar-free foods that taste good. I will post some recipes soon, if thats of interest.

You’ll notice, NONE of these things require me to not be a solo parent. These are things that help me treat myself like a human with my own needs, which helps me to not resent my life. I appreciate things so much more, and these are such tiny tweaks. Being a good Mom or Dad should never be miserable for you. Not everyone is Mary Poppins or Florence Henderson. Some of us aren’t born amazing parents. It doesn’t make us bad people, if makes us people that need to pick up some new skills, and there’s no shame in that.