Raising Kids in Chaos?

As everything unfolded in the capital yesterday, traitors to our nation bursting through the windows of the hollowed halls captured my attention and I found myself unable to break the connection between my anxious mind and my television.
My children woke up from naps and the news pressed on. I wanted to change the channel, but they were by-and-large disinterested and therefor not watching the TV.

Stream of conscious expletives hit my social media pages in real time as I watched things unfold. I was not the best mom yesterday. I should have unplugged. I needed to know what was happening though. Things unfolded in other parts of the nation, too and democracy hobbled off into secret locations.

These were not events I wanted my children to be around for. I thought better of our citizens. I expected street side brawls, sure, but watching people tear down the democracy that their own children rely upon angered me. Watching systemic racism on full display…. Again…… watching people linger when had they been any other color they’d have been attacked, arrested, and potentially killed in large numbers…. that made me livid.

One of my Canadian cousins sent me a facebook message that said “Americans are effing Nuts!!!” (only three exclamations points, thank God, right?!?). Another Canadian cousin emailed me…. Subject line “Rebellion?” text “Canadians are baffled and I’m pretty sure Europeans are making fun of you”. Nothing more. I was embarrassed. I couldn’t deny my association.

Being an American is a funny situation. You hear how proud you should be to be American from the moment you squeeze your way out of your mother’s womb and then you hear it continuously for forever…. And then you’re “un-American” if you have any disgust over being American. You can’t take a knee…. Well, certainly not someone un-white cannot as a statement of the systemic racism that plagues the country, but if you’re white, you can torture souls in hallowed halls where democracy took some of its earlier steps.

I’m proud of some people, but the people who push through the racism not the ignorant people that act like victims… I’m proud of the tough people that get called snowflakes because of their compassion and continue to be compassionate, not the people name calling like unattended children. The number of willfully ignorant people in this countries embarrasses me.

I’m half Canadian and will undoubtedly move my family to Canada in the next year-or-so. Not because I’m running from something. Not because I’ve given up, but because I want my children to grow up with some sense of civility. I want them to grow up around fewer ignorant people, you know…. per capita. I want them to have more than 50% chance of having decent friends. I want them to be happy. I want them to be kind, and I want them to live without the resentments I live with today.

I want them to grow up with a proper education. I want them to not believe welfare is okay for corporations but not for people struggling the most. I want my kids to see more than half the population make decisions that benefit the greater good. That’s not what the United States is right now. I hold out hope… it will always be home, but I don’t owe this country my children’s potential for greater happiness.

I love the United States like you love someone that struggles actively with addiction…. completely and truly, but tired after decades of trying to fix things that are just getting worst. Ready not to watch it disintegrate before my very eyes any longer.